Debbie Orfila Counselling Counsellor based near Salisbury, Wiltshire

Blog. Rumi

Celestial Counselling - Blog

Charlie Chaplin’s Poem on self love

As I began to love myself, I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.

Today, I know, this is AUTHENTICITY.

As I began to love myself, I understood how much it can offend somebody as I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it and even though this person was me.

Today I call it RESPECT.

As I began to love myself, I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow.

Today I call it MATURITY.

As I began to love myself, I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at exactly the right moment. So I could be calm.

Today I call it CONFIDENCE.

As I began to love myself, I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm.

Today I call it SIMPLICITY.

As I began to love myself, I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health…food, people, things, situations and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.

Today I know it is LOVE OF ONESELF.

As I began to love myself, I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening.

Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it FULFILLMENT.

As I began to love myself, I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally.

Today I call this connection WISDOM OF THE HEART.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide and out of their crashing new worlds are born.

Today I know that is LIFE.


When thinking about the reasons why I decided to become a therapist, the first answer is always 'to help people'. And so I thought more about that response. How do I want to help people? Help them with what? To give someone the space to tell their story is an honour. To listen to their battles, their highs and their lows, is so powerful. Gaining their trust and watching them start to question their beliefs and actions, questioning whether their beliefs still serve them or are they something that they've carried through from earlier life. Are they their own beliefs or were they learned ways of being? I like to encourage my client to look at their life and ask themselves if they are on the right path or did they inadvertently take the wrong fork somewhere along the way. To witness a client explore and question and then, ultimately, become the best version of themselves, is the reason I love this work.

Everything that irritates us about others, can lead us to an understanding of ourselves - Carl Jung.

“New Year - a new chapter, new verse, or just the same old story ?
Ultimately we write it. The choice is ours.”
Alex Morritt

I believe you did not have a happy life.
I believe you were cheated.
I believe your best friends were loneliness and misery.
I believe your busiest enemies were anger and depression.
I believe joy was a game you could never play without stumbling.
I believe comfort, though you craved it, was forever a stranger.
I believe music had to be melancholy or not at all.
I believe no trinket, no precious metal, shone so bright as your bitterness.
I believe you lay down at last in your coffin none the wiser and unassuaged.
Oh, cold and dreamless under the wild, amoral, reckless, peaceful flowers of the hillsides.
-Mary Oliver, A Bitterness.

“You must not ever stop being whimsical. And you must not, ever, give anyone else the responsibility for your life.”
― Mary Oliver, Wild Geese

“Listen--are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?”
― Mary Oliver

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

Leisure by William Henry Davies

Today, Monday 16th January, is considered by many, to be Blue Monday in the Northern Hemisphere. Do you identify with this or are you recognising that, in fact, you have been feeling low for sometime? Is it time to use today as a springboard into a happier healthier you? Could you benefit from some counselling sessions to discover who you are and what you want from life?

It is the beginning of another year, a new year. Are you ready to unpack that rucksack full of stuff? That stuff that has been weighing you down from one day to the next, one week, one month, even years? Is it now time to unpack and explore what it is you have been carrying for so long? What is it that is holding you back? What is it that is stopping the real you from emerging?
People often talk about detox, diet, exercise and resolutions at this time of the year. What about your mind? Does that need some TLC too? 2017, in numerology (1), is a time for beginnings. Start from the top and declutter your mind.

29th November 2016

What does your anger really want to say?

6th September 2016

The 10th September 2016 is World Suicide Prevention Day. For more information why not take a look at the International Association for Suicide Prevention website at

17th August 2016

How To Find Yourself Through Your Perception Of Others

Perception Of Others
“We meet ourselves time and time again in a thousand disguises on the path of life” –Carl Jung If we take any random person then pick five people in their life and interview them about said person we are bound to hear five different perceptions about them. One person may perceive them as funny, kind and warm-hearted while another person may see them as irresponsible, immature, and unintelligent. So whose perception is the correct one?

One of the biggest key in the path of self-awareness is the knowledge that our perception of others has nothing to do with them and everything to do with us. We literally concoct our own perception about people that we meet based on our own relationship with ourselves and our own personality traits.

The ego, fearing attention being brought to it, tends to always look outside of itself for someone or something to “blame”, when in fact, it is only recognising its own traits in other people. For example, let’s say a person has never experienced the feeling of envy, how could they recognise this trait in another person if they have never experienced it? We can only recognise traits in other people that we also possess or at least have possessed, which means turning our attention outward and blaming or judging others is a pointless endeavour.

When we come to realise that our opinions and judgements of other people have nothing to do with them and everything to do with our own ego, we are then able to use every reaction we have towards others as an opportunity to bring light to an aspect of ourselves that needs healing.

“What angers us in another person is more often than not an unhealed aspect of ourselves. If we had already resolved that particular issue, we would not be irritated by its reflection back to us”- Simon Fuller
Our reactions to other people are the keys that unlock the forming of an integral and authentic relationship with our self. If we pay close attention to who or what brings about a strong emotional reaction from us we are able to utilize this to our advantage. Negative reactions indicate either one of two things. One being that either we are attached to an idea or belief about the way things SHOULD be or the way someone SHOULD behave which means we are trying to force our own agenda on to other people, when in fact, no one HAS to behave the way we think they should.

Anytime we hold people to OUR expectations of them instead of accepting them as they are, we are sitting in resistance of the present moment. The other thing a negative emotional reaction can indicate is that there is an aspect of our self that we are not wanting to look at, so we are literally finding it in other people as a clue to us that we need to bring awareness to this trait in ourselves. As Carl Jung said, “When an inner situation is not made conscious, it appears outside as fate.”

We may think that we are victims of circumstances, or that life is just randomly happening to us, when in actuality, our own unconscious is trying to make itself known to us through our external circumstances and through people that we meet. When we start seeing our own self as the “problem” in every circumstance, we are then able to shed the light of awareness on all parts of our “shadow” self (or the part of our psyche that our ego tries to hide from others and sometimes even our self) which will consequently heal these traits in ourselves. In order to truly heal a part of our self that we have become conditioned to hide from the world we must start to practice 100% honesty with ourselves.

If we are experiencing anger, we admit and allow our self to experience anger, when we experience fear, we identify the fear and only become aware of it. It doesn’t mean we have to judge ourselves as good or bad because of the emotions it only means that we are aware of it, and are then able to send unconditional love to these parts of ourselves. Although, it may sound terrible to always see ourselves as the “problem” and always have to turn our hand and point the finger back at ourselves when we so badly want to point it at another person, it actually is the most empowering move we can make. When we see our self as the “problem” we automatically become our own solution.

If it is our own perception of the world and our relationship with ourselves that is causing us to see shortcomings in others, we become completely empowered to change the situation by merely healing the parts of ourselves that is identifying and resonating with the same “problem” in them.

When we start to see our self in everyone we meet we automatically start forming an honest and authentic relationship with ourselves. In this honesty we are able to cultivate our own awareness and consequently we become calmer, more confident and more accepting of every aspect of ourselves. And when our relationship with ourselves is loving and accepting, we start not only seeing these same traits in other people but we realise that things or people that used to bring about a strong negative reaction from us are now met with forgiveness and compassion. We quite literally change and heal our relationships with others by changing and healing our relationship with ourselves.

Original article @ Fractal Enlightenment

10th August 2016

Talking Addiction.

2nd August 2016

“I'm not perfect... But I'm enough.”
― Carl R. Rogers

23rd June 2016

Ocean Minded

your mind is like the ocean
a constant wave of emotion
for a second it was a storm of hate crashing out
now it is a calm tide of love surfacing about

beneath the tides lie countless wrecks
like memories resting inside my head
I thought I'd forgotten
placed them deep below
but they surface from time to time
trying to stay afloat

my mind has a never ending complexity
I own it - yet struggle to control it
it is drowning in emotion
it is struggling to keep afloat

but for now I will bathe in the undisputed unknown

17th May 2016

Are you feeling anxious or stressed? Are you in the midst of a high-risk situation, upset or experiencing cravings or urges to return to an old habit? Have you heard of SOBER breathing? Here is a short, simple but affective exercise that you can do almost anywhere, at anytime.
It can help you step out of “automatic pilot”, becoming less reactive and more aware and mindful in your response.

A way to help remember these steps is the acronym SOBER.

S – Stop. When you are in a stressful or risky situation, or even just random times throughout the
day, remember to stop and do this exercise. This is the first step in stepping out of automatic pilot.

O – Observe. Observe the sensations that are happening in your body. Also observe any emotions,
moods or thoughts you are having. Just notice as much as you can about your experience.

B – Breath. Allow your attention to settle on your breath.

E – Expand. Expand your awareness to include the rest of your body, to your experience, and to the
situation, seeing if you can gently hold it all in awareness.

R – Respond. Respond (versus react) mindfully, with awareness of what is truly needed in the
situation and how you can best take care of yourself.

9th May 2016

“When a person realizes he has been deeply heard, his eyes moisten. I think in some real sense he is weeping for joy. It is as though he were saying, "Thank God, somebody heard me. Someone knows what it's like to be me”
― Carl R. Rogers

2nd May 2016

"The important thing is this: to be able, at any moment, to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."
--Charles Dubois

18th April 2016

Traditionally it is at this time of the year that we spring clean our homes, blow the cobwebs away and look forward to the fresh start ahead. What about your life? Are mind, body and spirit at one? Why not give yourself a spring clean to eliminate your lifestyle clutter?
Are you holding on to a relationship that no longer serves you? Too often we cling on to friendships and relationships that we have outgrown. Is it time to release yourself from someone who is bringing you down? The time is right to focus on those people in our lives who bring us happiness and joy.
If life is full of chores and obligations, why not put aside a little time for yourself and take up interests or hobbies that you used to enjoy? Start something new and rewarding. Have you always wanted to play the piano, for example, or sing with a choir? Spring has sprung; it’s a time for new beginnings.
Negative emotions can be detrimental to our health. They don’t add anything to our lives; they just trap negative energy in our bodies. Hatred, anger, jealousy: all worthless emotions that ruin your equilibrium. Realising that these feelings are not only worthless but that they can also be detrimental to your health and happiness, is good reason to release them, release negative emotions or grudges you have been holding on to. If you are feeling stressed, anxious or depressed, what will help you? Maybe exercise, meditation or perhaps a counsellor, who will give you the space to explore the causes.
Now is the time of the year to take stock of how you practice self care and ensure good mental health.

8th February.

Today is the first day of Children's Mental Health Week. There is still a lot of stigma attached to mental health problems and so we need to highlight mental health not only in adults, but in children and adolescents too. If you are in good mental health is means that you are able to cope with life, make the most of your potential and interact successfully with family, friends, colleagues and your community. Good mental health or well-being, is as important as your physical health. We all have times when we feel down, stressed or frightened and most of the time these feelings pass. But sometimes they don't pass, they develop into a more serious problem and that can happen to anyone of us, at any time.
We are all different. Some of us will bounce back from a setback whereas some will feel weighed down for a long time. Your mental health doesn't always stay the same. It can change as we move through life, as circumstances change. Many people feel uncomfortable talking about how they are feeling but it's important to share your feelings. It is healthy to know how you are feeling; it is healthy to say how you are feeling. Take care of your mental well-being, it's as important as your physical well-being.

30th January 2016

“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.” - Abraham Maslow

28th January 2016

January is drawing to an end. How are you feeling? Is 2016 the year that you are determined to cleanse Mind, Body and Soul? Do you have underlying issues that seem to be holding you back? Are you feeling anxious, depressed, stressed or 'not quite right'? Why not treat yourself to some counselling and grab this New Year with both hands?

“Depression is like a woman in black. If she turns up, don’t shoo her away. Invite her in, offer her a seat, treat her like a guest and listen to what she wants to say.” - Carl Jung

You are responsible for your own happiness. If you expect others to make you happy, then you will always be disappointed.

“The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination.” ― Carl R. Rogers

“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?” ― Rumi

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